Learning something after all...

I'm at a school that is relatively (in)famous for its lack of formal evaluation. We do have 'tests' every once in a while that help us track our development and performance relative to the rest of the class. I just took one today, my first since the baseline evaluation during the first month of school. After THAT dismal performance, I was expecting to improve a bit, considering that it would be nearly impossible to go down from that score.

My main thoughts during the first test was that there is SO MUCH to know, and how cool is it going to be to at one point, realize that I possess that knowledge. That point is a long way off, but slowly inching closer. I went through all of my old notes, trying to remember about the heart, the lungs, the blood... and realizing over the past day or so that I feel like I've forgotten about 95% of what I've learned about pretty big things (I keep telling myself not to worry because by the time I get to clerkship and residency, all of these things will be drilled into my head for good).

BUT! I surprised myself by scoring TEN TIMES higher than last time. I was answering a lot of questions, and while I wasn't super confident, I managed to remember a lot of stuff. Please keep in mind that it isn't like me to gloat... I tend to feel that in my group of peers, I am on the very bottom rung of the knowledge ladder. I constantly feel like I am more 'lucky' than 'deserving' of my place in med school. But now, for this brief moment? I'm feeling pretty good, and am excited to get to the point where I can answer most of the questions, and be a good doctor.

Now it's time to go get this new self-confidence smacked down with my practical 'evaluation'.